I have been reflecting quite a bit of late about the place I am now in my life. I left my teaching career at the end of the school year in 2016. Now, two years later, I live at a much slower pace helping my husband with his businesses and providing the flexibility he needs in time and traveling.
I did have a revelation recently. Something I had been trying to deny. While visiting with a friend, we talked about looking for jobs other than teaching. I commented to her that for at least the last five years teaching, I would look at the end of every school year for something else. She asked, “What else is there for us?” I also mentioned that once you leave teaching you realize there is a whole other world out there. You don’t have to live break to break, summer to summer while making sure to plan all your appointments and vacations around those times.
Then I made my 40 minute drive home, and texted her the following:
“So I have time to think while I’m driving. Thinking about our conversation, and you are right. Those years when I would look to see what I could find, nothing ever appealed to me like teaching did. You, S, E, R, [3 other teacher names], and I hope to think I as well, are passionate about students and making a difference. What other place gives you that? I do miss it. I was just so tired after those last few years with the personal stress and loss that I couldn’t see it. And I didn’t leave to go to another job. People like you and S make a tremendous difference. I gave up too soon, but there was no way for me to see it while I was in the midst of it.”
So I did finally admit to missing it. I do miss the classroom and the students and my colleagues. My friend was kind enough to reply: “R always said that no job is as rewarding as teaching. You were great at it, and your students were lucky to have you!!” At which point, I texted: “Well, thank you. I was trying to encourage you!” She replied that I did and that she needs to keep reminding herself she is having an impact on students. She, and my other teacher friends, are definitely doing that and much more.
I had twenty years of teaching. Being 54 years old when I left the profession, I was not old enough or eligible to officially “retire”. I also realized that during the last eight years of my career, I was struggling to keep myself together amidst a series of major life events, loss of loved ones, and health issues that wore me down mentally, physically, and spiritually. Our family had some wonderful moments and occasions as well, and everything that happened are just things that happen in life, but I was struggling.
By the end of 2015, I felt broken, going day-to-day just trying to do what I was supposed to do, waiting for the next thing to happen. Then the opportunity arose to leave my teaching job in order to assist my husband in his business. I took that chance, having made the decision by the end of January 2016 to leave teaching.
And my life is very different now.
What did not occur to me though when I left teaching is that I actually might miss it. Now I realize it is okay to miss it because that was my career and a large part of my identity for twenty years. I wanted to deny I missed it because some part of me believed that if I did miss it, then I had made a mistake in leaving. Does it mean I want to go back? Sometimes yes, most of the time no. And, by admitting it, I can now let go of looking at that past. I am at a different place now. It is okay to be pursuing other interests and to be taking care of myself (which I did not do much of during those last few years), and to miss teaching sometimes.
A quote that I wrote on my calendar for this week: “It’s okay to be happy with a calm life.”
A quote that I wrote on my calendar for June: “You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last.”
I am very blessed with a loving and wonderful family, terrific friends, and good health. I’m so looking forward to the future and the opportunities ahead while also soaking up every moment of the now.